Black Men should be thankful that most black women base the foundation of a relationship on love and not worship. We as black women tend to prioritize how much we love the man, and sometimes overlook how they treat us, and what they bring to the table. Love will make you blind. This is why many women fall in love with potential, and hope for the best. We reject the image that black men are showing us about who they are and focus on the man we know he could become. We are creators, so we will coach and motivate him to become that man. Black women don’t mind struggling, and will congratulate every small progress he makes even if we are also struggling and there is no reciprocation. We are patient enough to wait patiently for the reward of the good man that we know we deserve. Unfortunately, so many of us never see the day.
Our willingness to endure struggle and hoe resilent we are influences how we choose our partners. This is to say that black men should be more grateful that they are being chosen if he is not at his highest potential or even close. A black woman should chose him despite his inability to safeguard her, protect her, love her, and offer her provision, yet we have allowed our love and loyalty for black men to overshadow our own needs. Black men are truly ungrateful for black women, and here we are choosing them over and over, because we LOVE them, while they betray our hearts by bashing us, disrespecting us, abusing us, and even killing us. He thinks of himself and his needs ONLY, yet we think “US”, “WE”, and the TEAM.
The black manosphere has made black women into their enemies and since the hatred continues to fuel against us. They have pedestalized other races of women over us, and pushes a narrative that black women not submitting and putting them on child support is destroying black men. The truth is that black men have not always been good to us. Even our submissive grandmothers had their own experiences with abusers, cheaters, and damaged men. The utopia that black men think has existed pre and immediately post slavery is not the stories that our grandmothers and mothers told us. Not to mention the men who pimped us and sold us drugs. Following behind their leadership has always came with consequences. The MLKs and the Malcolm X’s somehow transformed into pimps, thugs, and ghetto prophets. Somehow they will blame this on black women, but the truth of the matter is that black men been exploiting black women for centuries, back to the ones that sold us into slavery. Their betrayal cuts too deep, and yet we still forgive. We still give chances. And in recent decades more and more of us have simply had enough. We desire more. We need more. We deserve more from black men.
Black women becoming more selfish is revolutionary, because the value of partnership have often overridden our self preservation. We build our relationships on emotional and sexual connections with our partners, and overlook the tangible benefits we also need. I am hearing too many stories about the abuse and disrespect against black women and have experienced it as well. We become damaged and wounded, by the very men we love leaving us bitter, angry, and full of rage. Other black people will close the door in our faces when we complain about our treatment and say: “heal”, “you are what you attract”, “carry the shame of your poor choices”. It becomes our fault for how we are treated, and no accountability for those they mistreat and abuse us. Loyalty overrides the fact that black women are simply going through life, unloved and uncared for. When we exercise our strength, and prepare to brave life absent of our community of abusers, then we are too masculine for our own good. The gaslighting and complete mind fuck is down right abusive, and we consider if maybe it would be better to finish our life’s journey damn near alone to save ourselves. Seems more peaceful and less hurtful.
Black women are then left to heal ourselves transforming into a BEAST. Or better known as a “Bitch”. When we move different with our love, and sets higher standard that most won’t be able to reach; we’re “bitter”. When we say NO; we’re difficult. When we choose to be alone; we’re “stuck up”. When we withdraw our love and forgiveness from our abusers; we’re”Evil”. When we self protect; we’re “masculine”. When we find love in another race; we’re traitors. In reality black love has disappointed and hurt us so many times, so we must goes into survival mode before we can truly thrive. And what pulls us out of our darkness is self love, self care, and self preservation. We transform from Broken into Goddess.
One fatal blow to reality about transforming into a Goddess is that mortal men are not ready to rise to the occasion. In fact, I realize that many men will try to tear you down if you out shine him. He’s not ready to rise, change, evolve, grow….. so this leaves the options pretty slim. This is why many successful women choose to be alone or end up settling. Either she’s not ready to be a Goddess, or she KNOWS most men are not ready for one and she’s afraid to be alone. The ones who transform are ready and prepared to possibly be alone. If we must choose, choose a man ready for a new world order where black women will be loved, cherished, and respected. Even if that means his Boss will be a woman. Choose a man devoted to the plan. Choose a man aligned with the divine. Choose a man who admires your strength as well your softness. Choose a man that admires your beauty and puts it on a pedastal. Choose a man that worships your pussy and treats you like a Queen. Choose a man that admires your vulnerability and not abuse it. Choose that man then give him the sweet, but never be foolish. And most importantly; choose a community more loyal to you than your abusers; even if he’s black. If that exists.
© Tanisha R. Coleman, 2022. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Tanisha R. Coleman with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.