Tanisha’s No Non-Sense Guide To Minding Your Business

Business (noun): the practice of making one’s living by engaging in commerce; trade considered in terms of its volume or profitability; an activity that someone is engaged in (“what is your business here?”); Grown;

Growing up my mama also told me it is best to mind my business and to stay in my lane. Or as black parents love to say, “stay in a child’s place”. My mama always told me, “go to school/work, mind yo business, and go home”. I tried my best to utilize this into my daily practice. What I found is that not only is minding my business reduced conflict in my life, but it’s also good for my health. I have less stress, I have less drama, I have more peace of mind when my mind is not entangled into the web of other people’s business. This also taught to RESPECT other people’s space, time, property, and business as well. There is nothing more exciting to me than seeing someone else handle their business, especially a professional who takes care of their business, and those that they are responsible for.

As I became a grown woman, I also become a business woman. I become a woman about her business, who handles her business, and respects her business. I extend this respect to other grown folk, by minding my business. If it is not my business, I stay out of it. Unless it draws a concern to me, my loved ones, or jeopardizes my business, I MIND MY OWN ONLY;

However, what I realize most is that others around me did not get this memo, or this wasn’t a value instilled in them. I tend to always find somebody in my business, especially in the form of gossip. At times I will take fault, for even entertaining it, but I consider myself an open book. I even operate this blog from a personal stance, and tell the business I don’t mind being put out to the public. However, in the recent year, I found more people in my business that shouldn’t be. I started to become more stressed, because many felt that I needed to explain things to them that wasn’t any of their business. This also became hurtful and painful, because many would constantly trigger me by betrayal, or making traumatic experiences their latest gossip to slander or defame me. This often led to conflict as well, as other’s started to stress my business more than I was. They began giving input into my life experiences, when I never asked for their opinions or judgement. After breaking it down I found that the issue is: “Folks aint minding their business”, creating conflict where there it should not be.

(Insert: Don’t start none, won’t be none)

The irony of those that are nosy, or don’t mind their business, is when it’s time to take care of business, you see the numbers dwindle down. When I needed help with my business I didn’t see the same people that were in my face trying to get the latest gossip, or “Tea”. What happened? I thought they wanted to be apart of my business? Some have even taken extreme measures to obtain information about me, my family, and my friends. Why they needed the information for? I may never know, but it became evident that it wasn’t to help my business in any way as I struggled this past year mostly alone to stay on track with my plans and goals. (Understand when you talk business, you are also talking plans, blueprints, and goals). I found that those I could run to to find the latest gossip about me, is not the same people I can run to, to help a sistah out with her business. Thankfully, I am independent.

That is what is concerning to me. If you aren;t there to help me with my business, why are you in it or even concerned? Especially as a single woman without children, who’s business will only impact myself and maybe a select few in my life. This led to some unnecessary “beef” that I will leave those individuals to take with up themselves. As a professional in the Art of Minding My Own Business, I decided to write a no non-sense guide to help my fellow peers, and those who struggle to mind their business on a daily basis. Many have violated the code and I am here to help those who have trespassed to get them back on the right track.

You’ll find on the other side of minding your business is a stress-free and drama-free life (or I can at least guarantee it will decrease). I make a promise to not steer you wrong into the right direction, out of my business and the business of those that you shouldn’t be in.

First, I want to pose a few questions to help those come to the realization they are in the wrong business or violating someone else’s business. Before you poke into someone else’s business ask yourself:

  1. Will the information I am trying to obtain affect my daily life? (If No, Mind your business.)

  2. Will the information I am trying to obtain negatively impact this person’s life?  (If yes, you are violating their business. Mind your business.)

  3. Am I getting paid for this information, and am I cutting a check to the individual who’s business I am not minding? (If you are getting paid for someone else’s business and not cutting them a check, you are violating. Mind your business.)

  4. Is this person my child or someone I am ultimately responsible for? (If No, you are violating someone else’s responsibilities. Mind your business.)

  5. Will this information create conflict in the individual’s life? (If you are causing drama to someone else, you need to mind your business.)

  6. Did this information come straight from the source? (If it did not, more than likely you can’t verify the TRUTH and need to mind your business.)

  7. Am I contributing to this person’s daily life? (If you are not contributing to their life to help them, it’s not your business.)

What I also found in this past year is that when other’s didn’t mind their business, they also gave themselves permission to judge based on things that wasn’t their business. I found that many tried to FORCE their opinions on me about my life, and many with the audacity to think I should consider their judgments as truth or facts. I have no problem with considering advice or constructive criticism as it can be healthy or sound. Yet, as I continued day by day, I found that these same people are no where to be found when I needed assistance with my business. So I pose the following questions to anyone who thinks their opinions about my life or the life of others should matter:

  1. Are you sleeping with them?

  2. Are you paying their monthly bills?

  3. Are you making sure they have their basic needs?

  4. Are you protecting them?

  5. Are you providing a shoulder for them to cry on?

  6. Are you paying them for their service?

  7. Are you assisting them with their responsibilities?

If the answer to one or more of the above question is, “No”, then you should mind your business.

Now, when I pose a problem, I love to suggest a solution to the problem. I will make it as plain as possible, so it is not at all confusing, or misleading. The solution I have to the above issues stated:

  1. MIND YOUR BUSINESS

I know if you do the above, you are on the right track. As you put this into daily practice, you will begin to see a decrease in conflict, drama, and stress. You will also have more time on your hands to take care of your own business without distraction. I suggest using this additional time for self-care. The more you practice the above solution, the more you become a Master at the Art of Minding Their Business. I wish you the best on your journey.

Feature Photo Art by: Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

© Tanisha R. Coleman and Visions Of A Black Herstorian, LLC 2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Tanisha R. Coleman and Visions Of A Black Herstorian, LLC with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 

 

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