I loved you.
I loved you deeper than I loved my Mama.
I loved the father that I wish I had.
I loved the brother in you that picked fights with me.
I loved the husband in you, you would never be.
I loved everything about you, even the things I didn’t like.
Like how you never complimented me.
Like the cold thank you you gave me when I bought you that Christmas gift.
Like the way you told me, “just sex, no talking”.
Like the way you told me, “talking, no sex.”
Like the time you told me work was more important than me sending you a picture to brighten your day.
Like when you told me work was more important when I told you “Good Morning”.
Like when you never said “Good Morning” after we had sex.
Like when you would say nothing to me, while we laid together.
Like when you just smiled when I wore my lingerie for you.
Like how you kept me thirsting for just a affirmation, a hug, a kiss, a declaration of love.
Like how you told me my pussy stank, though you said it was good.
Like how you called me “chicken” when I didn’t want to stay the night and fuck you.
Like how you told me I forced you to have sex with me, when you got on top of me.
Like how you accused me of trying to get you drunk, when I was careful of my pour.
Like how you called me a prostitute, when you never gave me any money.
Like how you called me a “lying bitch” when I told you the whole truth.
Like how you how got mad me when I fucked that man, you told me not to fuck.
Like how you called me “friend”, but never wanted to hang out.
Like how you kept me a secret, when I bragged to my friends about you.
Like how I told you, I love you, and you said you like me as a friend.
Like how you turned down every question about a relationship.
Like how you called out my name, when I was on top of you.
Like how you bit your lip and closed your eyes, when I was on top of you.
Like how you tried to whisper in my ear, when you was behind me.
Like how you told me to “go in the room”, when your baby mama came to the door.
Like how you lied to me, by saying it was only me.
Like how you lied to me, when you said I gave you everything you needed.
Like how you forgave me for accusing you of killing my sister.
Like how you came back, when I told you I was looking for my husband.
Like my dreams of me being your wife, when you said I was just a friend.
Like how you never blocked me, but told me not to contact you.
Like how I think of you, every time it Rains.
Like I still feel the pain of your games and rejection.
Like how I call your name and feel protected.
There’s so many things that causes me to know this isn’t love.
But I loved you.
For just existing.
I was barely alive myself.
Slowly killing myself to be accepted by you.
Could barely accept myself.
But I took you and all your pain, all your abuse, all your cold shoulders, all your disrespect that was bolder than any man I been with.
It wasn’t love, It wasn’t quite hate, but it was enough.
It took me years, but I Am Enough.
I loved you for being Rain.
But you couldn’t handle the Sunshine.
So this time I Reign.
With Love, Tanisha.
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