She Loved.

Naive little girls with a good heart, becomes a woman whose heart becomes broken. Who taught her to love so freely and so openly? Who taught her to love without conditions? Who taught her to love so fearlessly in a world of heartbreakers? Did she guard her heart from the cold shoulders and the pretenders? She didn’t. She thought that if she gave love, she would receive it in return. Many were taught to not feel obligated to reciprocate. Many weren’t grateful, though deserving. Even through her pain she pushed through it with love. Was she killing herself? In the most careful and tender ways she healed herself. Even in the rain, she finds your own sunshine. Never hides in the shade from the light. But did she ignore her own?

Who taught her she wasnt enough? Those that cried out for her love the most, seem to love the least. She felt unworthy. She felt unloved. Many pretended they were capable. Now look at her. Carrying a broken heart, that only stronger backs can carry. Carrying a burden that she never wished to return. She knows burdens and pain. She knows if she dishes pain, she’ll easily receive it. Funny how many seem to be more capable to hate more than love. They say good hearts are priceless, but who needs one when they are easily broken if you aren’t more careful. She still Loved. Is she brave or a fool?

How can she Live with a broken heart? Without a name to identify the cause? Many names she can think of. They know who they are. No one will take the credit for what they have done and what they are doing. They’ll say She deserved it for loving so freely. They’ll call her foolish. She is told to be more heartless. To be more cold. To be less than She. She has to Live. Need your heart to make that possible. How can She Live and Be Less? Was she not enough or too much?

After the pain becomes more tolerable, she keeps moving. She has so much more Love left to give. What can she do with it? She saves it all for herself. Hard lessons taught her to be more careful. When She isolated, they seek her out. She spoke less. They speak for her. She writes about love. They question her competence. If she’s not responsive, then she is labelled with hateful words. How can a broken hearted girl know Love? Isn’t the first sign that her heart was even broken? The cold and the heartless never break, only the Real tender ones. Do we call the heartless hateful? Do we call out their fear to Love in return? She sees them celebrated. She Loved, and it made her a target. Yet, she was brave. She still loved, despite the discouragement. She was Love, why even be Afraid? She’s boundless.

Pain helped her learn, but the pain didn’t change her. Love is infinite. It’s a gift that keeps giving. She found love, but not in a friend. Not in a man or a lover. Not even in her mother or her father. She found love in her mirror. The one person she neglected. The one person she should have protected. The first person she should have loved. Who teaches girls with good hearts how to love themselves? We teach them to be obligated. She had to learn to love herself before another. She had to be more patient with herself. She had to stand up for herself. The ones that she abandoned, becomes resentful. They won’t take accountability for wasting the Love she already gave. Freely, and openly. They called her a fool. When she no longer wishes to be fooled, they call her bitter. They call her hateful. They call her Bitch. They call her damaged. Who causes the damages and what are their hateful names?

When she felt she had no answers to these questions, she went to find the one true love she needed the most. Herself. She owes her Love to no one else. Because, She Is Love. How dare they call her anything else.

Photo Credit: “Freedom Dance” By: Laurie Cooper

© Tanisha R. Coleman and Visions Of A Black Herstorian, LLC 2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Tanisha R. Coleman and Visions Of A Black Herstorian, LLC with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 

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