Pimparchy: Deadbeat Fathers
Pimparchy: A system of control that is sexually, physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and financially exploitative and damaging to women and children for personal gain or benefit. Alongside it’s parent system Patriarchy.
Term coined by Fatou Diarra; Definition by Tanisha Coleman
Pimpology And Interpersonal Relations:
Pimpology: pimpology refers to the art of understanding the female psyche to the point of being able to “pimp” them, and that the man ( or woman ) with the ability to control and manipulate a woman through her choices. When I did some research on the “pimp/ho” relationship, I started to notice similar behaviors I see in normal relationship exchanges between men and women. I spoke with several men who themselves have expressed to me that many have read articles and books were authored by self-proclaimed pimps or sex traffickers themselves. Looking at the socialization between black males and females I witness much pimp/ho behavior in ordinary men (the pimp archetype), and assimilated behavior in the women (the hoe archetype). I have traced such behavior to what is taught and instilled into black girls/women and boys/men. In this blog I will break down where I believe such behavior could possibly stem from, as well as the contribution pimp/ho culture has to conflicting relations between black men and women. Thus, creating the cultural system of pimparchy.
Pimping the Family:
Papa was a rolling stone. For Frenchie.
This article will be about how deadbeat father resemble the pimp in pimp/ho culture. The first thing that I want to address, is that any pimp is normally defined by how many “hoes” he got. The pimp is normally considered a pimp because he is able to be in possession of multiple women (and sometimes men) in some way. He is a man that does not do the hard labor that his hoes do. The hoes are the ones providing the service, and the pimp collects from this labor. Normally if a pimp is doing any sort of labor, its so he can “keep his hoes in line”. Outside of that, he does not break too much of a sweat. Sounds familiar? That’s the deadbeat daddy. The deadbeat daddy is usually a man with multiple children by multiple women. The deadbeat father is rarely present or completely absent from the picture all together. His baby mamas becomes his “hoes”, and they are the ones doing the most labor to take care of the children. Similar to the sex trafficking pimp and the women that he controls. They work, and he chills. Below is a list of ways the deadbeat daddy is a pimp, and a key player in the game of pimparchy:
Deadbeat fathers will create multiple families with multiple women. He will more than likely have a cycle of abandoning mothers and children after the relationship fails.
The only time many deadbeat fathers become active in their children’s lives is if he is currently still dating the mother. This mother becomes his “bottom bitch” or what a pimp would consider the woman he trusts the most to handle his business. She is also the one that many deadbeat fathers depend on to maintain relationships with his other children’s mother(s).
The only way many deadbeat fathers are held financially responsible is if he is put on child support. He leaves the financial responsibilities to the mother to finance her household and provide for the children. The pimp will leave his “hoes” to be financially responsible to make him money. #PeepGame. Normally the only time the deadbeat father will come back into his children life is usually in their adult years. Especially if the children is financially well off, and he comes back usually to get financial assistance, if he’s not financially well off himself. In that case he gate keeps his finances for himself throughout his life and leaves his baby mothers and children to fiend for themselves. Similar in the way a pimp will treat his “hoe”.
Many pimps are also known to father children with their hoes. If any man doesn’t desire to marry you quick and secure his household, consider that in his mind he may see you as his hoe, and will possibly abandon you and your children if the relationship fails. #PeepGame
The pimp relies on a woman’s submission in order to control her more easily. Men who impregnate women and eventually abandons the woman and child(ren) forces them into submission. It can also slow down the women from achieving her own personal goals in life, as her time and energy become more devoted to her children. This is especially true for women without a solid support system. Deadbeat fathers may purposely target these women, which is abusive behavior in itself, for the purpose of slowing her down to “keep her in line”.
Consider who the number baby mama creators are: BLACK MEN. A baby mama creator is a man who desires children with women he doesn’t consider to marry or “wife material”. He subconsciously only wants children with this woman, but not a family. With a 77% out of wedlock rate for black women who give birth, black women may need to become more radical in who they choose to start a family with, and secure a marriage first. A man who loves you , he will marry you.
In the deadbeat father’s pimp/ho dynamic, BOTH the women and children are his laborers. He is usually living his best life, while those connected to him have to hustle and strive twice as hard due to the responsibilities they have verses the responsibilities he abandoned.
What does a deadbeat daddy ultimately teach his children when he is not in the picture, and what behaviors can be created, even by his absence? He teaches his daughter to love men even if the he is not actively engaged or present. He teaches her that to be a man, he doesn’t have to devote his time, energy, and money to his family. He teaches her that her children may not be valuable to a man. He teaches her that him being engaged in his own selfish desires is what is most important to him, not the women he impregnates nor the children he co-creates. He possibly teaches her that she is not important enough to marry if he is not married to her mother, or never desired to marry her mother. He teaches her that she is only fuckable and not lovable. He teaches his daughter she is not valuable. My question to the deadbeat father is, how do you expect a man to treat your daughter better than you treat her mother? Who did he expect to teach her about how a man or partner is supposed to treat her? And what standards would you hold her potential partners to, if you fail to meet the standard of a honorable father?
What does a daddy ultimately teach his son if he is not actively engaged in his life or present in his life? He teaches his son that he is not important enough to mentor and lead down a healthy path of manhood. He possibly passes down the same traits of a pimp, he may have himself. Many sons still desire to be like their father, even is he is not in the picture. His son may still carry on his more toxic traits, because those will be the main traits that he knows of his father. He possibly teaches his son that it is okay to be abandoning of women and children. He teaches his son that a man’s role is to merely exist, and not be engaged in his family. He teaches his son that family is not a valuable asset or worth sacrificing for. He teaches his son about being a “good enough” man, and not a man striving to achieve greatness for himself and his family. My question to deadbeat fathers is, how do you expect your son to be a better man if you aren’t there to mentor him? Are you okay with teaching your son that family is not valuable? How will your son know how to value partnership, if you can’t be a good partner to his mother? How are you teaching him how to treat women, if you mistreat his mama? Who’s responsibility is it to teach your son about manhood, if you are not present?
The purpose of this article is to correlate the traits of the deadbeat fathers with that of pimp behavior and the detrimental effects pimp mentality can have on families. The purpose of this article is for black women like me who has a deadbeat father, and how the pimp game have negatively impacted the lives of black women and children. The purpose of this article is to motivate black men in particular to get their heads out the clouds and put action and devotion into their families. Fathers, Give a damn about women and children. But…….
I rather be my uncle’s baby girl.
© Tanisha R. Coleman and Visions Of A Black Herstorian, LLC 2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Tanisha R. Coleman and Visions Of A Black Herstorian, LLC with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.