Have you ever wondered why many people find themselves looking for validation? Seeking approval, seeking attention, seeking new information, or seeking other people’s business? I have wondered for many years why even I spend great portion of my time seeking the same. People have a hard time not minding their business, and minding the business of matters or people who are not their concern. Average how many hours you spend seeking information on a daily basis. Average how much time you spend interacting with people on a daily basis. Average how much time you spend on social media. You are always gathering the information or experiences you seek. How much time do you on a daily basis tending to your own business? Compare the two, and see where you spend your most time. Is it minding other’s business or minding your own?
Personally, I have had many periods of transitions. At many times I was very active in engaging others. I was very vocal and active on my social media accounts, and dived into a lot of information pertaining to the world around me. This took up a lot of my time, however, I am also a woman who enjoys her solitude. I have had moments where I had to completely go into solitude to process the information I obtained. To discard the information that is my business, and the informaiton that is not. Depending on how I feel at the time, or the nuances of the information, I choose what is my priority. In the last year, I was in solitude mode. I needed to get my peace of mind so I could process the informaiton I received and gathered. I withdrew from school to even give myself more time daily to process. However, what I underestimated, was how others were just as desperate to gather information. In the midst of this, many tried to gather information about me. Some extremely violated to get certain information. This made me weary, and I nearly confined myself to my own home.
Is the information you have harmful to the other person? My privacy felt invaded, and at many times I felt unsafe, My sister was killed in an act of gun violence two years ago, and since my safety has been my priority, as well as my family. MY BUSINESS. When I realized many were digging for deep and personal information about me, I was outraged. No one deserves to have others try to tell their story, especially without permission. Your personal business is a treasure. It keeps you safe and unharmed if handled properly. Unfortunately some mistreat, and in doing so try to get access to your business and information with malicious intent. What they were seeking validation for? I don’t know and it depends on the individual and their intent. However, one can’t deny that violating someone else’s business is violating in its own. I try to be mindful of this myself.
In the midst of not minding your buisness sometimes violations can occur, and conflict can be the result. Growing up my mama told me to “mind my business” all the time. She told me as I go through life, just mind my business, and take care of my buisness. At times I was not careful, but I know I wasn’t extremely reckless. I’m already a private person. I never been one that was desperate to know another person’s buisness ,especially one without a direct connection to me. I grew up a bit sheltered and this led to me being more private. Even most information I have received about others came from others. I often even get updates after months to years of solitude and enjoying my alone. I can be alone for a long time, so sometimes I hear others speak of other’s buisness. I ask, where do they find the time? I don’t have time for many things that don’t affect me. I try to pace myself in obtaining information, and try to keep to myself as much as possible. There is always conflict and drama going on that I try to avoid.
Recently, I realized that conflict can sometimes find itself at your door step without asking for it. Most of the time I have found that many conflicts start from a common point: Not Minding Your Business. I try to not ask questions about things that don’t concern me. I do this to avoid conflicts as well, because then you become responsible for the information you receive. You become a gatekeeper. Releasing such information can be seen as betrayal, especially if it’s a love one. Unless it causes injustices to one or many, I don’t see the reason for releasing personal information of others. Some can even be irresponsible to release addresses, numbers, family information, etc… things that could jeopardize the sense of security of another. I wish many were more mindful.
What I have learned over the last few months is a valuable lesson in minding my business. How information can be redistributed which can lead to misinformation, misunderstandings, and miscommunication. Communication is key. I prefer verbal communication to verify what I need to hear, but written communication is my favorite form. Which is why I am more careful about what I write, verses what I say. How I write, and what I say. I found lies to be more present in words spoken, than written. Many will redistribute their information more vocally, and tell the business of others that is not theirs to tell. I have often found myself in the midst of business being told. I overhear business being told everyday. Gossip and chatter as I walk around downtown. If I wanted to know many things being said, I would pay attention. Now think, what if someone with an attempt to harm overheard? This is what I believe happened to me. Many were gossiping about me, and someone with an attempt to harm overheard or shared the information.
Despite the struggles that came with the conflicts that risen, What was the intent? However, I had to come up with a plan to be more careful with my business. I decided to stay to myself for the last year, and recollect myself, my energy, and my time wasted. After spending a lot of time to myself, I decided to keep my thoughts written, and not spoken. Talking is easy to transmit information. If I did talk, I talked within the walls of my own home. I have been minding my business, and taking care of myself. Since, I have had many accusations about me made to me, about me. I have had many people talk about me as if they know me, what my plans are, or what I am doing in my life. Where did they get this information from? Often I found myself defending myself against things that weren’t true, some even ridiculous, and things that probably could get me in trouble if believed. I learned that even if people are in my business, I can’t control what they perceive or what they believe. I also learned to not take responsibility for how others process information. I became stressed out trying to explain myself and at the same time deal with my own personal issues. Eventually, I chose myself.
On the other side of this past transformation, I decided to choose myself. I had to learn to keep my business to myself as much as possible, mind my business as much as possible, and to not allow others to pull me into their drama created by not minding their business. Or even the drama created by what they think of me or perceive me to be. That’s also minding my business. How they feel about me is not my business, and not even why. In doing this I released a weight of validation I spoke about in the beginning of this post. I released the need to validate myself or even prove my business. I realized the power in letting Who I Am stand for itself. The freedom of doing such, with a smile…. Priceless. What my business Is; is No One’s Business But My Own;
And I handle my business, properly……
Feature Photo Art by: Tanisha Coleman
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