My business is my own, and it’s about time I speak on a series of incidents that have happened to me. For the last few months, I have woke up many mornings and felt penetrated. As a woman who is single and lives alone, I sometimes pondered on how this could be possible. I also have woken up with marks on my neck and back, wondering where they are coming from as I hardly had skin conditions. For the last year I have been having very vivid dreams and nightmares. When I spoke about this on my Facebook page, looking for possible solutions, I was met with resistance and backlash. I have come to understand that those that wanted me to be silent, are the ones that enjoy seeing me in pain. I also have no doubt that these people are watching me in my personal life as well, as some have admitted to being paid to harass me, and some have blatantly said that people were “watching and listening to me”. Last week a woman came onto my business page and made a personal attack against my character. She stated that I needed to go seek psychological help, and be on medication despite already doing both. Despite my attacks having nothing to do with my mental health. Why is my story being handled with such hostility? Why I am getting such hatred tossed at me for speaking on what has been happening to me?
I made a decision last year to become celibate and not date while I am in school, so I can focus on my goals solely. However, I had to withdrawal from school last year, because I could not concentrate with these new issues arising. The first incident I walked in to my living room and saw a dark figure sitting on my couch. I quickly ran into my bedroom and shut the door. Since then I kept the light on in my living all day and night, and avoided sitting in my living room for months. Then I began having vivid dreams, nightmares, and bouts with sleep paralysis. I have also had many instances where I could hear voices trying to hold conversations with me. I could hear the voices clearly and everything discussed with me were aligned with events taking place in my life at that time. I tried to brush it off as hallucinations, until brushing it off made the energy I was feeling become more angry and violent. The more I brushed it off, the worse I was attacked physically, and eventually sexually. That is when I started to see the marks on my neck, back, and body. I also felt pain n my vagina as if it was penetrated aggressively.
I decided to talk to my therapist about this, where he redirected me into having a sleep study done. However, the study was for sleep apnea and didn’t address the sexual attacks, the dreams, the nightmares, or the sleep paralysis. I also want to note that many of these happened while I was coherent. In the midst of my therapy for my mental health, and my medication, I began to take a spiritual route in being able to deal with what was going on. I had minimal support to directly address what was happening to me. I have already set up altars in my home last year, and decided to use these altars for prayers for my physical, mental, sexual, and home protection. I will do a blog another day directed solely on the rituals I have done and what those rituals are for. I have one altar in my home dedicated to my ancestors where I pray for my family and for protection. I have another altar with female goddesses of different cultures, and at this altar I pray for wealth, prosperity, fortune, manifesting love, and bringing peace into my life. While I was enduring the attacks I stopped praying for a while, because I questioned if it was working for me. However, since I started praying to the spirit, I realized that the attacks became less frequent and I was coping better. Another tool that I used was writing, journaling, and blogging to help cope with the events taking place and to address the concerns that I had within my own life. Even some of the blogs currently on this site where based on topics surrounding my attacks.
One thing I did begin to notice in these attacks is that they came directly after any desire for me to be more free. I have not been dating and I have no desires to really date any time soon. The attacks were not frequent in my home when I was doing domestic chores. I began to fee that whatever was attacking me wanted me to be a housewife. When I was cooking, cleaning, and doing domestic chores, I was at peace. When I decided to go to school, or do any kind of work, I was attacked. I began to feel that whatever was attacking me was an abusive man who didn’t want me to gain my own success or follow my own goals. There were instances where I was doing homework, and I heard an intense speaking in my ear that was trying to instill doubt and fear into me. Another link is to my dreams when I was talking with a man that told me that he wanted me to get along with several other women, because he wanted me in a polygamous situation. This was a man that was an ex lover of mine, and I immediately told him no. It appears to me that this ex lover is angry that I told him no, and chose myself over him.
I already knew speaking on this subject would be difficult and hard to believe prior to me first addressing it on my personal Facebook page. I decided to blog about it to try to reach a larger audience in case there is another woman out there who has experienced the same. I was able to find some research on the internet when the doctors were not able to offer me a solution to these specific issues. The attacks have died down in the last few weeks, but I wanted to share my experience, and the tools I used to deal with what is going on. These attacks are real to me, and I have faith that one day there will be karma for anyone involved in these attacks against me. I will be doing another blog soon about spiritual rituals that I used and that have been working for me. I decided to not pray to religious deities, but to the spirit that I believe interconnects all beings on this planet. If you care about these events that have taken place in my life, I only ask for those who read this blog to understand with an open mind, and to pray for my healing, strength, protection, and justice. After everything I been through, I deserve it.
Feature Art Source: http://www.theafricanamericanlectionary.org/PopupCulturalAid.asp?LRID=418
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