Black women especially are far too burned out to do the emotional labor for others while also trying to maintain our energy and sanity. Many people rely heavily on us to say or do something that will make them feel better. And black women have definitely took on the energy of saving everyone, even when we are drowning. This is why black women make up a large percentage of caring professionals and service based professionals. We have tied our worth to whether we can make others happier or feel better.

As a coach, I’m guilty of this. Yet, when we drown, people around us don’t take on our problems. Especially black men. People don’t try to analyze our problems in order to find solutions. People hardly pour words of affirmations into us until we feel full of love. What they may say to us is “Keep the faith, God got you!”, “Stay strong, the Lord won’t put more on you than you can bear!”, “Stay prayed up!”. Never asking what they can do to help. Never sitting with us in our anger, our sadness, or grief. Never taking tasks off our hands to lessen the work load. Yet, the moment we see people sad and hurting we throw on our cape and come to the rescue! And do you know what the community does? Blame us for all the problems! It’s time to say, FUCK THAT CAPE! Here’s some suggestions:

– Don’t give emotional labor to people not giving you the same. Lessen the amount of people who you give emotional labor to. Those that reciprocate.
– Emotionally detach when people vent or express their problems. Force them to sit in their own emotions and solve their own problems. Ask questions to get them there and make them do the work.
– If you are a caring professional, GET PAID YOUR WORTH! Free courses and material are fine to promote yourself, but also make sure you get a return on investment!
– Stop seeing grown men as a brother or son. Detach the need to play Mama to grown men. Allow him to discover his own emotional intelligence.
– Stop arguing with men and women online and reject the need to educate people about misogynoir. The information is out there for FREE. They can do their own research.
– Be around more happy people. No matter the gender or race. Allow their joy to be infectious uplift you.
– Go to professionals for help. As a professional they are trained to handle difficult conversations, problem solve, and maintain emotional detachment. Common people will not do the emotional labor for you and you are responsible for doing the emotional labor yourself.
– Always take time to do nothing and rest. One day a week with little to no work can recharge you over time. And also take regular mental health days to combat the Exhaustion of Capitalistic-Patriarchy. There are many days where you just shouldn’t have to worry about work and focus solely on self-care.
– Take naps on days off to recharge your energy. Naps are your reparations for living in a slave caste system.
– Allow yourself to be SERVED if you can afford it. Add it to your budget under “self-care”. Get your hair done. Get your nails done. Get massages. Hire a house cleaner. Anything to make things easier for you.

Take your energy SERIOUSLY. Your body needs your energy to keep your life going. Don’t overwhelm or overwork yourself into heart disease. Your body also needs the foods and supplements that keeps your body healthy and energized. Feed yourself the good shit! Take care of YOU, sis!

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