Everytime I talk about how proud I am for being a woman, I see the instant expectation to also refer to my pride in blackness to solidify my position with black people. I am expected to include black men into who I am as a woman, because the expectation is to eventually marry a black man and have black children. I can not speak of being a woman and free, because in the minds of my community I’m tied to a man and children in their eyes. Even if I don’t have those ties, or even want those ties. Most people don’t see me out with a black male, so technically I don’t matter to many black people. Not having kids makes me even less valuable to black people since the main objective is creating more families. Being a black woman is enslavement because you know when adulthood awaits you factor in the black family, and eventually having your own.
You never break free from blood ties. And as a black woman you never break ties with black men because of the expectation for you to factor them into your life. They are your fathers, brothers, uncles, cousins, and friends. Even if it’s an abusive man. How many black women were forced to stay with or remain silent about an abusive man to show solidarity? To keep up appearances and stay, because she know as soon as she is single, no one gives a fuck about her or what she goes through.
If you have children you get attention, because of the children. But if you choose to dodge motherhood or marriage, you really don’t exist in the black community. This is probably why many single and childless black women become philanthropists and gives back to the community to still keep the ties. However, she has to be SUCCESSFUL, because resources are scarce for single women without children who are struggling. This is why many of these women become system fighters. Meaning they are running for positions of power. If she can’t marry the man, she can marry her family, her career, her vacations, her hobbies, her friends……
Does she not recognize how this makes her mother still? She is still mothering every person she advocates for. She is nurturing other people’s children. She is providing for adults and children. Her emotional labor alone is valuable, as I know black women to be phenomenal caregivers even professional ones. Single women have time to dedicate to others, volunteer, help. Many single black women are not selfish lovers to ANYONE in their life.
Does she not realize she is married to the game? She sees the system exactly for what it is. She is able to observe every environment around her, to include other people’s lives and families. Many people come to her first because they assume she has the time to give. She has time to think, analyze, and process. She has TIME. She sees the GAME in every scenario given to her. She decides she doesn’t want to make that mistake. She wants to win. Too many toxic environments. Too many toxic systems. Too many toxic families. Too many toxic sisterhoods and brotherhoods. Too many toxic relationships. She doesn’t participate, but she watches. She strategizes. She plans. She prepares. Now she’s in the game and married to the system. Ain’t that some shit.
So what is freedom to a black woman like me in America? What freedom means to me is no fear of my future. Freedom is safer environments. Freedom is privacy acts. Freedom is fundamental human rights. Freedom is protected communities. Freedom is healthier home environments. Freedom is safe spaces to be yourself. Freedom is JUSTICE. Freedom is TRUTH. Freedom is maximum security. Freedom is knowing that you will get in return all that you give out because the universe has your back. Freedom is WORLD PEACE, so you can go ANYWHERE and be SAFE.
I realized that if “I” wanted FREEDOM that meant that I expect the system to provide this freedom since they are controlling the natural resources in this world. I NEED RESOURCES so I can have the FREEDOM to live my life peacefully and not fear for my survival. And the people that I want to talk to are not on Facebook, I can tell you that. Nor are they the people I interact with daily. I have been straight annoyed by the smaller issues, and its holding me back. Its keeping me enslaved. What I want is so much bigger than my man or my child. I’m looking at the bigger picture AMAZED at what the world can be. I break any chains holding me to any problems. I will be victorious in any battle, because I want world peace 🌍🌍🌍 so I can have a Peace of Mind and be Free. I truly believe in the power of being good, doing good, and living good. Thank you kindly.
I’m going to sound crazy to alot of people, but I am so serious.
© Tanisha R. Coleman and Visions Of A Black Herstorian, LLC 2019. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Tanisha R. Coleman and Visions Of A Black Herstorian, LLC with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.