Since I was a little girl I had much passion about many things. I was always inventive and creative, and wanted to create beauty in my art. I wanted to make others happy and smile, through my art as well as my care for others. I also wanted to be understood, by sharing my experiences. I was always socially awkward. I didn’t like interacting with many people, because misperceptions are very common. As I stated in previous blogs, I found my gifts in writing and drawing. At a young age I realize that speaking my words caused confusion. It caused misjudgment of my character and often times conflict. So I found my best form of expression through my writing.
As I got older I realized that my gifts became more of a hobby as my focus went into making my future plans. I lost my passion in my need to find ways to survive. When I became an adult, my survival was my priority. In order to survive in this world, I needed to generate income. How could I use my gifts to generate income? How could I generate income in a field that I was passionate about? Now that I think of it, I realize that often times children aren’t taught how to use their gifts to economically survive. Instead we are encouraged to search for a career that would generate the most success, the career field that need the most workers, or the career field that offers the most opportunities.
Before I left high school, I enrolled into a private college to study interior design. One of my passions as a child was to draw homes, floor plans, and design homes. I was not confident in my math to pursue architecture, so instead I chose interior design. I am still a huge fan of shows on HGTV that center on designing homes. However, I couldn’t afford to attend that school. Not too long after, I was approached by a military recruiter to join the Army. When I was informed of the many benefits, especially the educational benefits, I decided to join.
Though joining the military wasn’t a passion of mine, it was an opportunity to pursue my passion via education. Years went by where I neglected my gifts. I was more focused on my career, and the many experiences the military had to offer. On top of that, I also was focused on relationships I developed during that time. I was completely distracted from my gifts and the things I was passionate about. The high stress of my career and failed relationships, started to impact me after a few years. I remember reaching an emotional and mental breaking point. Each day became harder for me to get through. I lost my drive. My focus. My passion was almost gone.
When it was almost time for me to decide on my re-enlistment, I remember asking myself, “Is this what I want to do in my life?”. I didn’t have to answer this question. It become evident as I began to emotionally struggle just to get through my days. Though I liked my job and the work I was doing, the passion was no longer there for it. I was also overwhelmed with other personal things I was going through. Each day became harder and each day I felt like I wasn’t enjoying life. Day by day, I was just floating through the days waiting for the next one.
It was during this time I decided to start a blog. I was having many personal issues, and I decided to use the gifts I had when I was a little girl to help me cope easier. I remember when I was younger I wrote many stories and poems, and saw that it made others happy. Many of these stories were about my life, or my dreams, and some were just fantasy. However, at the time I started my blog, I had more experiences to share. I wrote about those experiences. I remember thinking, “if I can make many smile, whether they could relate or not, maybe this is what I should be doing”. Maybe this is my purpose. My passion to write served a purpose not only for myself, but in helping others smile. I also had a passion in general to help others. It was at this time, I decide to continue my education, and change my degree to social work.
Prior to exiting the military, I created a vision for myself based on my dreams and passions. Even though I had the fear of leaving behind a more secure career, I had more courage to pursue my passion. I decided from the moment that I found my passion again, that I would lead my life with courage. The courage to pursue my dreams. The courage to lead my life through my passions. The courage to commit myself to my gifts, no matter the personal sacrifices. And to trust that through a passion driven life, I will fulfill my purpose.
Art: Monique Leeper https://www.saatchiart.com/art/Painting-Black-Girl-Magic/900174/3088627/view
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