Boss-Miss (my definition)

A woman of rare distinction. A woman who does not play by the rules, but doesn’t break them either, because she values her freedom. She is a wild woman, because in this world of men, she doesn’t not play it soft. Yet, she is still soft. She is still loving. She is still caring. Her preservation is her priority. She self- cares, and She shares. She is a woman of resilience, wisdom, and insight. She trusts her intuition. She trusts herself. She loves herself. She is her mother’s daughter. She is a sister, a homegirl, a mother, an aunt. She is an elder, she is a teacher, she is a student. She is a master of her life, no matter the price. She paid the cost, She is a Boss.

As we travel in life since a little girl, a seed that begins to plant into our minds is, “What kind of woman will I be”? By our early ages we are told many different definitions of who we should be as women. Often in our minds one of the first subjects we learn is the value of partnership, so we can be good wives. Then we learn to be of service, so we can be good mothers. We learn that we shouldn’t start a riot, and follow our divine plan as a woman, wife,and  mother. However as experience often teaches us, this plan isn’t perfect for every woman. Some of us aren’t inspired to achieve these roles or titles. Some of us have our own self-definitions for our womanhood. For some our character doesn’t fit into those boxes of woman, wife, and mother. Often the women who do not conform, are met with hard experiences trying to adjust to who they are not. This woman is a Boss-Miss.

To speak of Boss woman is damn near a crime. Where are the doctrines for the Boss women in a man’s world? There isn’t many. We are not often encouraged to be a Boss. Many have come to accept the independent women box, as life has taught us that many women HAD TO BE. But what about the Boss? The woman who calls the shots, a woman who is a judge of her life, the woman who is in self-control, a woman who doesn’t let fear control her life. Where is the guide for our girls and young women to be a Boss? I have come to a point in my life, that I had to properly assess my own life. Where did I go wrong? I had many situations and issues that didn’t require merely a woman. It didn’t require a mother, and I am not one. It didn’t require a wife, and I am not one. My situations required a Boss. And I Am One.

In the midst of much confliction and tribulations in my life, I had to learn to adjust and adapt to many obstacles. The woman I was before was not the same woman I am trying to become. I have to be the little girl Boss I was when I was a girl. I had my life figured out then, as many girls do. And as circumstances change, you become the woman you didn’t expect to be to survive. Then you come to a point where you take many losses. After the hard lessons of life, how do you pull yourself out? Ultimately the responsibility is yours, and yours alone. For me personally, I knew I had to go into BOSS-MISS MODE. I had to hold on tight to my visions, and I had to adjust my plans around my circumstances. I had to make BOSS PLANS, and plan BOSS MOVES. So I am deciding to share this guideline, and share with other women in my position. The women who have to become a BOSS, to get the gains in Life she deserves. I will share a plan on how to set you up for success for the Boss-Miss you are.

1. Create a 2-3 year Visions Goal/ Blueprint For Yourself: You can’t be a Boss, without a plan. Develop a concrete plan for yourself. Set realistic goals for your self. Map out the steps to fulfill your goals. Set a time date of completion for your goals. Plan the budget for your goals. Create a budget plan, or as many as you need. I created a self-preservation plan to follow if you need assistance.

2. PROFESSIONAL: A Boss-Miss is a professional. This means that she is “Pro” anything that serves her best interest. She chases opportunities, and creates healthy boundaries with everyone around her. She is tactful. She is Respectful. She is hospitable. She creates healthy relationships. She networks. She presents her strengths and is confident in herself and her abilities. She is a professional in her career, as she knows this brings successful business practices and healthy business partners. She takes accountability for her mistakes, and settles conflicts in a professional manner. She learns from her mistakes, and applies a correctional plan for herself. She sticks to her plan.

3. Dating in Boss-Miss Mode: Often you desire a partner in your life. However, if you are single, I advise you to cease dating until you are set up for success first. Or at least serious commitments. Once you complete your 2-3 year visions goals, THEN seek a PARTNER,. By then you’ll already be a Boss, so that will be the time you choose a man that compliments your swag and your lifestyle. You will a choose a man for your future, and not the woman of your past. Set yourself up FIRST. DEGREE FIRST. MONEY FIRST. LICENSURE FIRST. BUISNESS(ES) FIRST. HEAL YOURSELF FIRST. The dating pool will not go anywhere or change much by the time you seek a partner. There will still be options for you on the other side of your goals, and hopefully you will choose wisely.

4. CONTRACT AGREEMENTS: Often conflict, drama, and non-sense can resist against and disrupt a Boss-Miss. The goal is to decrease the conflict in your life, because you peace of mind is your PRIORITY. You need your peace of mind to complete you Boss goals. One way to prevent conflict (or at least protect yourself in the midst of conflict, is a CONTRACT AGREEMENT. Word is not always bond, and you can’t trust verbal agreements as a Boss-Miss. This woman is surrounded by haters, and envious ones. She must protect herself FIRST. She will have anything that involves money, time, services, and favors scheduled and agreed upon in a contract. She will keep receipts, so in case someone tries to dethrone her from her position, she can protect herself. She has no time for drama. She settles it swiftly, and she keeps it moving.

5. Partnerships with Wise Women: A Boss- Miss is aware of the pimparchy and the patriarchal system we live in. She recognizes that in a man’s world, a woman’s greatest enemy is the system they created against her. The only partnership a woman should have with any man in her life should be a relative, a trusted best friend, or a husband. However, sometimes those closest to her is not in her best interest for a business partnership. A Boss-Miss is ALWAYS be an advocate of sisterhood and women, because as a Boss woman she knows the system is set up against women like herself. Advocating for other women is the same as advocating for herself. She will form partnerships with WISE WOMEN, and she has a sister circle of support for herself and her family. She will choose only wise women, because as a Boss-Miss, these women have the same agenda as her.

6. Community Outreach: The Boss-Miss is not here to be anyone’s savior. However, she is a woman about her community. She is involved within her community, and she is a good neighbor in the community she resides in. She knows that there are many opportunities out there for her, and she utilizes the resources around her wisely. By doing so, she knows she must pay if forward to bring continued success and good karma into her life. She will CHOOSE FOR HERSELF how she plans to be involved, but she will remain engaged. The ways she can engage in her community is as such:

   1. WOMEN AND CHILDREN FIRST: Women and children keeps the cycle of life going. For her to enjoy life, she must think of who is prioritized to bring the best changes to the world around her. She will involve herself in activities that places women and children first, so these programs and services can also benefit herself and her children.

   2. POLITICKING: She will be an active voter and knowledgeable about the system she resides in, As a Boss-Miss the politics around her can often cross into her path. She will be aware of what is going on in the local, state, and federal government in her country.

   3. NETWORK: Usually women entering in Boss-Miss mode doesn’t have many opportunities presented to her. She must go find her opportunities and resources, especially as a black woman. She can’t expect handouts, because this can slow down her progress waiting for opportunities to come to her. She is aggressive in obtaining what she desires and need. She is assertive about what she needs, and is resourceful. She will network with those that can invest in her. In Boss-Miss mode, the most communication she will need until she is SET, is NETWORKING OPPORTUNITIES.

7. REST, RELAX, RELEASE, REPEAT: An important element of a Boss-Miss is to practice self-care. Since she is a woman on a mission, she has to take care of herself and not rely on others to take care of her. She is self-accountable, self-secure, self-sufficient, and self-healing. When she needs to rest, she rests.  She remains as calm as possible, and She relaxes. She releases anything that holds her back, keeps her down, and distracts her from her goals. She releases those that do not compliment her present and future plans. She repeats her rest, relax, and release as often as she needs until she achieves her peace of mind. She repeats everything listed 1-6, as often as she needs to achieve her goals.

This is a no non-sense guide to becoming a Boss-Miss. You can adjust as you need, but as a woman who knows what she needs…. I’ll become a Boss-Miss, and will be unstoppable;

Feature Art Photo Source: http://citifmonline.com/2015/01/12/women-prefer-work-men/black-female-boss/

© Tanisha R. Coleman and Visions Of A Black Herstorian, LLC 2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Tanisha R. Coleman and Visions Of A Black Herstorian, LLC with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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